Are you there, Blog? it’s me, Kalurah…

It’s been brought to my attention by many that I have not been keeping up with my blog too well, these days.

I wish I could say that it’s because I’ve just been too busy. But that just isn’t the honest to goodness truth.

I fear that I have fallen out of love with my blog, as of late. True, time has played a crucial part in why I haven’t been around these, here parts. But in all honesty, I just haven’t been “feeling” it.

I don’t thrive on writing these days. I don’t feel that empty, gaping hole in my soul that I used to experience if a mere couple of days had gone by without a blog post.

I am trying so very hard to adjust to this new character I find myself playing in life.

I am no longer the stay-at-home-mom me.

Or the work-at-home-mom me.

I am the Working-mom me.

Only…. I don’t feel like me.

I am feeling lost and a bit out of sorts.

Who am I?

What have I done with myself?

Will I be returning any time soon.

I thought I would be able to bounce back into the working me mode with great ease.

But I am finding that I really did, in fact enjoy being the stay-at-home me.

I miss my baby boy crawling into bed with me in the morning and catching an extra hour of zzzzz’s, whilst cuddling my little snuggle bug.

I have to remind myself, though, that my little snuggle bug, in fact, all of my little snuggle bugs are the very reason I am playing this new role of me.

I need that adult interaction that I was severely lacking before.

I need to feel self worth again.

I need to set my internal clock to Pacific Standard Time, instead of the current Nick Jr. fall daytime schedule.

I need to maintain these aspects of my life, so that I can be a better mother to my children.

I know in my heart, that things will get better. I’ll soon slowly slide into this new me and it will eventually feel right.

I’m waiting. Patiently.

Please bear with me.

~The new me.


9 comments on this post.
  1. AmyL:

    ohhhh sweetie, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time adjusting!
    My encouragment would be this: realize and embrace that there can be more than one aspect of you! There are so many facets of YOU and you don’t have to give any up. You can always continue to add as many facets to yourself as you want. Continue to grow and expand and embrace all aspects of yourself. Revel in the experience of discovery!
    P.S. I have found that if I can wake up a little earilier, I can still lay in bed and fake that snuggley, sleeping in feeling. :)

  2. Green Girl in Wisconsin:

    Well I’m glad you’re enjoying your new job and sorting it all out! I was worried your little guy took another scary asthma turn–so your identity crisis (which I totally identify with, by the way)came as sort of a relief.

  3. sarah:

    the most important thing we all need, especially as busy mamas, is balance. let yourself adjust but don’t be afraid to evaluate and try a different balance of things if you need to. a little more time here, a little less time there, ask for help with this, that or the other.
    i haven’t been feeling my own blog lately. but sat down last week and realized it wasn’t the blog or writing it specifically. i had stretched myself too thin in other things i was trying to do. i was out of whack and it actually made everything feel miserable – but most especially the things i enjoy doing.
    i changed my template to simple black and white to visually start simplying things. i set a goal of at least one post a week – little or big – one was all i needed to still feel in touch. then started doing the same to the rest of my to-do lists. including asking my husband to run some things through the sewing machine as i pinned them. AND telling him if he thinks our friend needs and would like a handmade scarf, he can help himself to a pair of my knitting needles. (he intends to, too!)
    it’s helping.
    seek balance….a little change here and a little change there can make all the difference in the world.
    feel better soon!

  4. kalurah:

    Amy and Green Girl…..
    Thanks so much for your suggestions and especially, for your SUPPORT!
    I needed your encouraging words today, more than ever.

    I cannot tell you how spot-on you are! I have realized already, that this was probably the very issue at hand. I actually did re-evaluate the direction my position at work is steering towards and spoke with my Employer about keeping it simple.
    She understood and is EXTREMELY supportive. And I feel quite lucky that she IS so supportive! I know that is rare in today’s workforce.
    You are a peach! Thank you so much for lending a listening ear along with supportive thoughts. :)

  5. sarah:

    that is fortunate to have such a supportive boss and work place. i’m super glad to hear that things are starting to straighten out and hope that you soon feel much better and balanced :)

  6. Kalurah's Mom:

    It’s difficult to find balance in life as a mother no matter what kind of mother you are. I think we all really want, deep down, to stay at home with our children and enjoy watching them grow. I LOVE being home and doing things there, even if it’s just cleaning and laundry, because you’re HOME! It’s hard to leave that nice, comfortable place that you’ve worked hard to make comfortable and go out into the frantic, crazy, sometimes unfriendly world where no one loves you like your husband and kids. Just cherish your time at home and make those hours count. Maybe you’ll be able to be a stay-at-home Mom again someday, who knows? In the meantime, make the most of it and hang in there!

  7. Galadriel Thompson:

    My dear dear sweet heart,
    I am sending you all the love I have, all the hugs and kisses too. Be brave little trooper. You are so wonderful to listen to yourself and your family. So many voices out there, sometimes sadly even our own, telling us what we ought to do and who we should be. Makes it hard to see or think clearly. I think you are a very courageous and strong woman. You inspire me as Nick Lowe would say. Your family is blessed to have you, and obviously you know you are blessed to have them: )

    So much love

  8. MLJ1954:

    Once I was visiting my darling sister-in-law when she started crying because she was feeling so stretched . . . three kids, busy (and ill) husband (my brother), full time and busy job, home, wanting to do it all and someone who always appeared to have it all together. She snapped. So we talked, and drank some wine, and talked.

    And I shared with her the same thing that I named my blog “is no a complete sentence?” And I have to tell you saying “no” followed by a PERIOD is fine. No, I cannot do it all. No, I would rather read to my babies (or drive them to swimming/skating/lessons/school) than vacuum, is fine. No, I make a full meal on Saturdays and Sundays and yes, leftovers during the week is just fine. Yes, scrambled eggs, toast, fresh fruit and milk for dinner is a good meal. No, I cannot volunteer to be the chair of the PTA (or Junior League, or knitting guild or church program).

    The trick is to not say “No, but if . . .” It is to say “No.”

    Scale down and when you are ready to add things, add them gently.

    For me, being a working Mom has evolved into being a good Mom, especially as my children have gotten older. They don’t need me during the day. They need me in the evening. They need me to be involved in their school. They need me to listen and love them in a different way.

    Good luck.

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